Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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