toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just found a bag of teeth...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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