yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
