____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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