Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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