I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
