You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
