Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
