if you like me you must not know who I am
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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