so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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