On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
