Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
