TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
