Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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