billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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