I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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