he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
