I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can I color on your dick again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
