I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
