oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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