Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
