Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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