I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
