if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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