I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
