did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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