Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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