The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
