This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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