Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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