It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
