Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
