dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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