yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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