I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
