i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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