Are we in a gay sports bar?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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