when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
