Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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