This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
