so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
