Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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