YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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