I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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