He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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