drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
