grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
