I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
