when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
