an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
