i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
