If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
