I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
