ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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