If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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