The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
