so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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