On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
