I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
