woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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