I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
