just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
