I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
