I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize