Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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