if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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