how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
