allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
