Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
