i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
try to milk me bitch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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